It's not just me...

Doesn't it suck that the people closest to you have no real idea who you are? In my case it's mostly my family, but it can be true with long-term friends too.

It's not their fault, really... not entirely anyway. As we get older and our opinions and lifestyle change, we hide things from the people we think won't approve. It would be nice if the people who "love" us would make us feel comfortable enough to share everything with them, but let's be honest... we are all judgemental and close-minded to something, even the best of us.

And then, of course, we all have those people in our lives that just don't listen. You try to share parts of yourself with them and they either don't stop talking about themselves long enough to absorb it, or they are the type of person who has already formed their opinion of you and nothing you say will change it. I have had both of those types in my "inner circle" and I had to finally walk away to save my sanity.

When you break it down, it's all about self-preservation. I get the psychology of it, it makes sense to me, but sometimes it just feels lonely. We just want people to like us, which is why we essentially lie about who we really are, but what we truly want is for people to like us for who we are.

It's much easier with new people in your life. You can tell them things about yourself and they can accept them or not and you're not too emotionally invested when you or they have to walk away. But with family and close friends there is too much at stake - too many years of history to risk. In most cases it's just not worth the argument, especially with family because you have the rest of your lives to be around them or you can cut them out completely, which is sometimes more painful than helpful.

It really is a balancing act, constantly having to remember who in your life knows what about you and who in your life you can tell certain things to. Imagine what we could accomplish as individuals if we freed up that portion of our brain for better purposes. It would probably just give us more room for song lyrics and quotes from our favorite movies, but it would be nice to have the option.

In the end, interpersonal relationships are just complicated and stressful. I'm not sure there is any way to get around it shy of living alone, having your groceries shipped in and ordering your underwear online.

People are Strange

My beliefs are so strange they even confuse me sometimes.

I don't really believe in anything supernatural, but I still do Tarot and light candles and smudge Sage. I wear a Pentacle ring every day and charge my jewelry on the Full Moon. I long to have my house full of incense and crystals and stones. I would love to get the point where I practice specific rituals on a daily basis.

I call myself an Atheist with Pagan Tendencies. I say that I believe in the "Power of the Earth"... whatever that means! In reality, I can't really explain what I believe, I just do what feels right. I don't feel like I need to know everything in life (or after-life). There are things that we will never know the answers to and maybe we shouldn't.

All we can do is sort out the best way to keep ourselves sane and if that falls into a specific belief or religion, or a dozen, who is to say that we're doing it wrong?